i am positive.. i took it as a challenge.. but.......... will i survive? if only i can fast forward to 2nd aug.. :(
opah, this is for you...
kadang2 time down risau resah macam ni la tiba2 teringat kat arwah opah.. i think she was the only person who i dare enough to let everything inside me out..
i used to have my sister who listens to my story.. but i guess, time changes everything.. and also everyone...
it makes me feel more lonely.. :(
i can't stop repeating in my heart "if only she's around".. it has been more than a decade since she left, but until now i keep feeling i still need her.. i'm not fully let her go yet i guess..
and i wonder.. would i ever will?
i still remember everything about her.. every each detail.. how she smell, how she spoke, how she ate, how she watched the tv.. how she spent most of her time in front of the house, at the door, watching vehicles went by on the road.. how she laughed, how she told stories about her life..
and what i miss most of all is, to hold her hand while i walk with her, to almost everywhere she went..
i used to hate it when other people would come and take her hand from me.. but i never protest.. i was a silent type anyway..
and i used to pretend to hate it when i have to hold her hand when she wanted to walk (her knees were weak that time).. but actually in my heart, i was happy like a blooming flower..
i did write about her.. few months after she died, i entered a writing competition at school.. my BM teacher, cikgu maznah, asked me to enter.. it has two versions; to write in BM or english.. i chose to write in BM..
i remember submitted it to her last minute.. i drafted the night before the submission day during prep.. then on the next day, cikgu maznah told me to type the essay with the computer in her room (together with other friends who also entered the competition)..
the idea came on the spot, like a waterfall.. there were so many changes i made on the spot, so it was totally different from the essay i had drafted..
i made it to the national and won the third prize..
and i never write again ever since.. well, except in the blog and my diary.. haha..
it's not like i never try.. i tried, but i don't know why, somehow i just stopped in the middle..
and never finish it...
i guess, the essay is the fullstop of my writing? hmm... *shrugged*
~i still hate the people who hurt my opah until today.. even if the whole world forgive them, but i won't..
~there was an old lady lives next 2 houses from my house, on the left.. i parked my car in front of her house this evening and saw her sitting on the swing.. she reminds me of my opah.. the same thing she would do; to sit in front of the house watching vehicles go by.. i tried to smile at her but i guess she didn't see me.. it was already dark anyway.......